The Calender Should Be Out Soon

Soaring to new heights yet unattained, i now stand amongst the rank of the elite urban warriors protecting and serving as i must do when life is on the line. Let me explain. when one practices super villainy such as myself eventually the need for a evil lair becomes absolute. I have recently found myself to this point as nefarious and diabolical projects were beginning to spill out of the office into less evil environments. Not to mention that long hikes for tools back and forth were annoying resulting in implements of destruction being left out and not returned to their proper places. Mrs. Evil is patient but she still gets annoyed resulting in less than evil fun time. So I'm in the process consolidating and converting the garage into one massive headquarters for heinous acts of an unspeakable nature.
Enter winter, the most vile of seasons and the evil lair has no central heat. A rather dubious kerosene heater was brought out of deep storage and pressed into service. Sure, many high ranking super villains have run their lairs 24/7 but i simply haven't got the budget so there is a bit of a power up delay before things are fully online, i.e. not totally freezing. With the kerosene heater, about 20min. So activating the power up sequence i returned to the house to await the dastardly fun which would no doubt ensue. When i returned at the appointed time i was greeted with dense smoke emanating from the frame of the secret entrance and the sure knowledge that i was about to witness a chemically driven fire of epic proportions. I have no patience for OSHA and my chemical safety protocols are lax.
The phrase "so thick you can cut it with a knife" while often overused is a completely accurate description of what i experience when i opened to door. I've never experienced anything quite like it. The air had mass, a lot of mass and was completely opaque. There are 4 four foot shop lights on the ceiling and it was completely dark. Fortunately the fire was contained in the heater itself and once i located said offending heater i managed to turn it off.

The penalty for failure is death.

So a new propane shop heater is now in service and power up times have been reduced to 5 minuets. A serendipitous byproduct of all this is the entire lair is now covered in soot inadvertently improving the aura of evil it projects.